Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I Approve This Post

Just when I think I'm skating on thick, smooth, safe ice...

I'm a bit of a dichotomy.  Some people see me as a fountain of optimism and sunshine.  Some people see the darker side of me.  That side expects the worst out of situations and people.  I'm not sure there is a conscious decision on how I approach a person or a situation.  I do know I have to force myself to think the opposite way sometimes.

For example, when things are going really well, such as on some thick ice, I catch myself afraid to say out loud how good they are.  It's as if I'll break that spell and the ice all at the same time.  Then, I chastise myself for even thinking it because if I've thought it, the universe knows it whether I've said it or not and it could all start spinning out of control into a cyclone of crap just because I had the thought.  And by the way, why doesn't that cyclone work the other way?  Why can't I think about how wonderful life is looking and how great it would be if I found an extra $100 lying around somewhere, and I got an unexpected promotion and that actually happened?

Yes, that's a little extreme.  Yes, it's how I think sometimes.  I used to work for a Domestic Violence agency.  During the day, we never put the crisis line on an answering service if we had to leave the office.  We had volunteers who would take the line forwarded to their homes.  We had this one woman, Ruth, who never said 'hello' when she answered her phone.  She always said 'Come on over!' or some other happy phrase.  My voice mail in October goes along the lines of "I'm not available to take your call.  Leave a number and I'll call you back.  I'm Karen Hawks and I approved this message."  I border on sarcasm, not sweet.  OK, I border it like water borders Australia.

I digress....

I'm trying to be more positive about people, specifically about grown ups.  I'm pretty positive about the small children and really positive about babies.  I can't promise I'll start answering my phone with sparkles in my voice.  If you need that, find Ruth and call her.

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