Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Words of a different kind

It's 15 minutes from being 9 days until the wedding.  You'd think I'm counting down or something.  Yes, I'm divorced.  Yes, I've had a wedding.  No, it has not ever been anything like this.

I swore to myself and everyone around me, including Kelly, that I would never get married again.  It was the seventh level of Hell as far as I was concerned.  I think my feelings on the subject interfered with our relationship for a while.  In hindsight, I can see that it kept me from letting myself feel fully what was there.  I think it probably made him wonder if there was any use in pursuing a relationship at times.  If I was so adamantly opposed to marriage, was I also opposed to all commitment?

This whole process has been overwhelming, anxiety-ridden, stress-provoking, and enlightening.  Each of us involved has had at least one moment of OMGWTF?!   Kelly and I both have been amazed at how our friends have stepped up in ways we never expected.  We have needed them to step up with our crazy idea to plan this thing in five weeks.  It's going to come together regardless.

I had a fabulous bachelorette party Saturday.  It was small and that is the best kind.  We could hear each other, mostly, not get lost at the bar, mostly and taste test each others' martinis, mostly.   One of my best friends, Steph, has done an outstanding job making sure not only that things are together for this shindig, but also that I am treated like a princess.  You are the epitome of awesomeness!

Now, I have to figure out vows.  I have not ever written them before and since I tend to write in the vein of smartassedness, I'm a little worried .  Standard definitely does not fit us.  We are unique beyond measure.  Besides that, this is a different kind of do-over.  I can't explain it.  All I know is that it IS.   After all, I love him more than cake.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Ticks and Twitches

I do not have Tourettes!  It's just a sound I make, damn it!  However, I am beginning to truly believe it is stress related.  I am getting way overwhelmed with wedding stuff.  I think I have developed a twitch on my left side.  My already poor sleep habits are even more atrocious.  My fuse is frighteningly short and very sparky. 

I'm not a Bridezilla by any means.  I have great friends who are helping me out.  Kelly's parents have been fantastic.  There are some things that aren't going exactly as I'd like and I'm stressing over them.  There are some things that can't be taken care of until the last minute and I'm stressing over them.  There are some things that just aren't going to happen or happen like I want and I'm stressing over them.  There are outside stressors that have shown themselves which are out of my control and tearing me down.  I'm trying to just breathe and let it go, but somfb that is hard.

I'm working as usual.  I'm tyring to spend as much time with Justin, who is doing great, as I can.  I'm just very overwhelmed and that's the only word I can think of that's even close to appropriate. 

Last night, a very angry parent came at me verbally and I'd never even seen him before.  I can handle most anything, but I'm not in the best place right now.  I handled it fine, but I seriously wanted to punch him in the face.  I thought, perhaps, I should go back to my words and get a little bit out before I was reduced to physical violence.

Carry on.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Overload, Sensory and Other Sorts

I am the Queen of Multitasking.  I've been called that by people who have known me for years.  It irritates some who think that having a conversation while watching TV,  while texting, while Facebooking is not at all possible and cheats them in the conversation department.

Over the past month, I have been in multitasking hell, even though I haven't really wanted it.  I am exhausted on a daily basis.  Tonight, I was so tired, I actually asked Kelly to drive.  I never ask anyone to drive.  I am NOT a good passenger.

My nephew had his surgery yesterday.   He looks fantastic.  I hope he's on a better road in his recovery.  I still want to spend as much time with him as possible.  I'm back working as much as possible since I'm not spending any time in SC.  I'm in overdrive making wedding plans.  It's now just 26 days away.

I had a scary thought tonight.  Our wedding is going to be simple, informal, and intimate.  Our combined guest list was about 60 people.  If you think half or less actually show, then it's down right tiny.  My thought tonight is "What if nobody comes?"  I don't know why I thought that.  Please, God, don't let it be a premonition.  

I'll bring Bodequa with me.   She is fabulous enough to make up for an empty lawn on her own.  All better now.