Supremely Unchaste Badass

I'm intrigued endlessly by the Badass of the Week, written by Ben Thompson.  The BoW for the week of my birthday was a wickedly awesome woman!  Now, I have no desire to bang a nun, but otherwise, she could so be my next heroine.  Neither have I killed people, at least outside of my head, but I am of French descent.   Surely we could be of some similar lineage???
I need to be a badass.  I possess badassness.  It's hiding right now.  Therefore, I'm re-watching Randall narrate about the Honey Badger.  I can quote about the Honey Badger.  I will not munch on rats or cobras, but I have enough inner angst and bitchiness to chase one of those bad boys down.
The problem comes when my crazy hormones kick in along with my walks down memory lane.  I start crying like a high school girl when her crush cancels the day before prom.  I am looking for someone to be available at the drop of a hat during those moments.   I need support and comfort.  I need someone to hold me, maybe stroke my hair, or maybe only listen to my emotional soliloquy.  I need a badass of my own right now.

The Birthday Bitch Hat

I always get funny looks when I talk about my Birthday Bitch hat.  First of all, it says "Birthday Bitch".  Most people don't get why I look forward to wearing it every year.  Let me tell you...

Best.Hat.Ever.

That's my friend Carol beside me.  I'm really not sure whose left butt cheek that is.

First, I hate the multiple chins from the strap; second...look at my face...I'd been doing the ugly cry.

My first year wearing The Hat was January 26, 2008.  I didn't leave the house.  I sat on my sofa all day, basically.  It was the one thing I did to scream at the universe for having a birthday while holding Olivia in her final days.  She liked it because it was pink.  I know it may seem weird, but this crazy hat makes me feel a connection to her.

I've worn it every birthday since.  The next year was still at home, but I was a lunatic.  All the firsts after someone you love dies are horrendous.  I had some friends over and we were totally goofy.  This is still one of my faves of Brandy and me...

Last year, I was going through a miscarriage.  I was on bed rest.  I still pulled that sucker out (the hat!), but there are no pics. 
I don't know how long I'll carry on the tradition.  I mean, really, how many 50-yr-old women can you see wearing this and looking sophisticated? However, my friend Laura was such a good sport and wore a hat, too, yesterday when we went out to lunch.  Her's was customized...

It's HER birthday, bitch!

There is some video somewhere from yesterday...We had a great time at Buffalo Wild Wings.  A random table instigated "happy birthday".  A manager from a local tax office seemed to like it, too.  He gave me his business card, dated it, wrote Happy Birthday and told me I can get my taxes done for free.  Saaweet!!

It's goofy.  It's outrageous to some.  It's perfectly me.

Regularly Scheduled Programming

I know I have bombarded everyone within earshot and screenshot with A Band of Ghosts and the South by Southwest Music Festival the past week/couple of weeks.  I truly appreciate your patience with me.  Final tally isn't in yet, but at around 11:58pm last night, they were in 2nd place.  It's looking good for them to make it to the next round, even if they didn't get the top spot.  This is amazing considering the other contenders had thousands of Facebook likes and/or friends.  ABOG has 428.  Their first video was posted to YouTube this past week and already has over 900 views.  They are really incredible and THANK YOU for voting and helping get them closer to an opportunity to show their talent to others.

Now, back to my shit.

You know what's great?  This SXSW contest has taken so much focus, it has kept me from wallowing in my sadness and grief that would have normally enveloped me by now.  Instead of working and going to bed immediately upon arriving home, I would Tweet, Facebook, email, and blog to get votes and raise awareness for this band I believe in and Kelly's talent.  Too bad it didn't cover the next two weeks.

Today, I went to get a steroid shot in my ass.  I know that seems off topic, but hold on.  This funky semi-winter weather is messing with my asthma.  My pulmonolgist does not play.  Via email, she managed to get me into her office for a steroid injection without an appointment in the span of about two hours and she wasn't even on campus.  I love her.  Anyway, the receptionist was a class A bitch because I wasn't in her computer.  I work in a pretty good sized medical center.  We're pushing good customer service right now and she was a definite no-no.  She sent me wandering through the back halls to find a nurse on my own because she was "busy with something else and you can see if somebody else knows what you're talking about".  Alrighty then...  She has no idea that I'm not a quiet person or that I know half the 12,000 people employed here.  I saw one of them, and simply mentioned to him she'd been a bitch and he went to get her manager.  This manager happened to have worked at the OB office where I went when I was pregnant with Olivia 12 years ago AND her name is Olivia.  Talk about a small world.

She asked how my daughter is.  Holy shit balls.  Not only did I have to say my Olivia had died, but being in the medical profession, she asked all those questions about the whys and hows.  She was very kind, considerate and not rude at all.  It's just different.  A bank teller would probably just cry and never dream to wonder if it was a heart defect, a chromosome defect on the short arm of 22 or a TBI with catastrophic results.

I answered.  I answered all of them and tried to talk about Olivia.  The problem is the timing.  I've been so wrapped up in other stuff that the emotional flood I thought was just a stream this year was, in fact, only held back by a dam of distraction.  I didn't get to tell her all the wonderful times and things about my Olivia.  I had to get through it as quickly as possible so I didn't break down.

I think I have to get back to my original plan...I need to talk...I need to write...I need to honor Olivia's memory.  I assure you, they won't be all sad.  My girl was fun!  She had a great sense of humor that was much more mature than her years.  She was definitely her mother's child.

Our song is in my head.  I love you Carly Simon for writing it.  I love you Anne Grant for introducing me to it.  We played it over and over and over.  She even wanted me to sing it to her.  Thank you Kristen Faulkner for the beautiful framed version on my wall.  And so it begins...

Photos by Anne Grant photograpy

Pointy objects

It's been a shitty week.  There have been some great moments, but some epic fouls (I'm watching episode 1, Season 2 of SATC)  Carrie just caught a foul ball and is getting ready to meet the new Yankee.  I hate baseball, but for SATC, I'll talk it all day long. 

I've been all about stabbing today.  I haven't actually stabbed anyone, it's just a metaphor for my mood.  Although, there was this one moment in time I would have gladly if I could have gone through a phone line.... In line in the cafeteria this morning, I told an older gentleman that even if he didn't want to eat sushi, he should take the chopsticks.  I told him he could poke people with them.  He informed me I was clever and then swiped a set.  I hope there wasn't a run in the ED of poking injuries.

I'm not violent by nature.  I think I'm just sleep deprived.  Maybe I'm what the U.S. Army needs.  They need a whole bunch of women who don't sleep and have hormonal imbalances.  We can kick any country any time.  Go Army.

   This was left on my desk today.

Bits of Truth... all quotes: .02098

Bits of Truth... all quotes: .02098

mmm Tasty

Is it really a tasty treat or am I that damn lazy?  I'm lying on the love seat in front of the fire smoothing butter over saltines and calling it dinner.  I'm having skim milk and I plan on finishing with a dish of ice cream.  I'm trying to get in all my dairy today.  I needed comfort, but I was too needy to make meatloaf and mashed potatoes.  When will someone really invent Rosie the robot?

I'm a smaller, better spoken version of Paula Deen when it comes to butter.  I heart it.  My heart wishes I didn't.  Now, you may think I'm a big girl, but keep in mind, I've lost over 50 pounds.

One of my other guilty pleasures is a pop tart with butter.  I don't like them toasted.  But, warm that sucker up and butter the back side!  Nom nom nom...I would really give anything for some meatloaf and mashed potatoes right now, though.

Do you have a guilty pleasure?

Get Ready for IT

IT is pretty important.  I'm past midnight, so technically, IT's under a month, but only by 45 minutes at this second.

February 16th is the day I buried my daughter four years ago.  This time of year is a bitch.  Every day can bring something that is a reminder without the slightest warning.  It actually starts on January 2.  That was the first day she almost died. When you have a terminally ill child at home, there are no normal days. 

It is important to me that I honor Olivia's memory each year (truly each day) by celebrating her life and all that it was and not just the sadness that marks the anniversary of her death.  Over the next month, I want to educate about ACC (Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum) and introduce Olivia to those of you who never had the pleasure of meeting her.  For me, it's therapeutic to share the good and the bad.  Trust me, both are fantastic in the true meaning of the word and the bad is heavy. 

I'm edgy tonight.  My fuse is short.  That's almost always a sign that it's an Olivia day.  There will be lots of those in the coming weeks.  If only I had her here instead of the memories...

4 Lies a Day

I just read that the average person tells four lies a day.  Are those bullshit-hurtful-intentional lies or are they I-feel-fine-when-I-don't lies?
I bet the biggest lie of all is "I feel fine".  I almost never feel just fine.  I feel tired, well, rested (as if), sad, angry...lots of things but rarely fine.  I bet the next is "That's delicious!" when it's actually something as appetizing as a Honey Badger. That  little freak is my new obsession.  
I hope somebody just feels like shit or that my food tastes like it instead of 1461 lies this leap year from any given person in my life.
**reminder** vote every day through the 23rd!  That's my husband you're hearing on percussion!
A Band of Ghosts SXSW

UPDATE....Got the right link up....I hate trying to do that from the mobile version.  Now, GO VOTE!

Looksie....it's their first official video!

  Thanks for supporting new artists!

A Band of Ghosts...pure promo

Shamelessly promoting my husband's music

Please vote again!  Every day after between midnight and midnight you can vote once...they're up to #2!!!!

SXSW A Band of Ghosts

Music Lovers Listen Up!!!

Most of you know I am married to a drummer.  He is a freelancer, so he does lots of projects.  One of his, one I LOVE , is called A Band of Ghosts.  They are based out of Winston-Salem, NC.  The music is eclectic.  It's rock, it's electronic....when I hear it, I picture deep, powerful water.  It's a sound like no other I've heard.  They are currently in a contest to win a spot playing at the South by Southwest Music Festival!  To quote from the homepage "What’s at stake WILL change the winning band’s career. The winner will receive a trip to Los Angeles to shoot their own music video. They’ll also receive prizes from Maurices as well as the opportunity to perform at Maurices branded daytime showcase during SXSW 2012."

Here's what I need you to do... Go to this link.  Vote for A Band of Ghosts.  Vote EVERY day until January 23.  Each time you vote, you're entered to win $1,000!!!!!  Pass this along to all of your friends, readers, enemies, haters....anyone you know.  Currently, they're in 5th place.  A lot can happen between now and the 23rd.  I want to see them succeed and I want to go to Austin!

 That's my hubs behind the congas.  Here's the link....go VOTE!!!!

Maurices Hometown Sound - A Band of Ghosts

Jerry or The Coyote?

Were you a WB or H-B Cartoon junkie as a kid?  This is for those of us who grew up on actual cartoons.  I could go either way, but I was more of a Tom and Jerry   groupie until high school.  I'm not sure why, but around that time, I fell in love with Wile E. Coyote.  I think it was my friend Mikki's dog, when I ponder a bit.  He had a Wile E. that was his baby.... carrying on...I used to sit in my living room on Saturday mornings and do the dreaded Mrs. Brown's Notebook while watching Looney Toons. 

I've always been a cheerleader for the underdog.  That's a whole different cartoon if you look closely enough. I digress....

Who among us didn't want Jerry or Wile E. to win just once??? I know that could have potentially  meant the ends of some of the most lucrative entertainment of its time.  Sometimes, I feel like an underdog in life.  On one of my more pity party days, I feel like I have an invisible "kick me" sticker on my back that only Life can see.  I wanted to see Wile E. win regularly.  At that point in life, I only worried that the patients in a hospital (I was a bona fide candystriper) might smell a hint of my perfume.  Now, I want to see every single ACME product crush that annoying Roadrunner in the time it takes his dust cloud to puff.  I want Jerry to stick his chest out only once more before Tom catches him and stomps him with a massive paw just before the WB logo and Porky Pig tell us ba- dib- a- dib- a- dib- a- dib That's All Folks!  I want the skies to part and the sun to shine down on me infinitely or at least for a month or so.  I want all the people I love to get their worries under control.  I want to build the family I desperately want without anymore drama.  I want whatever it takes to bring smiles to my face and the faces of those I love.  I want to win over the Roadrunners and Jerries in my life.  Is that too much to ask?