Saturday, December 3, 2011

Anybody Seen My Eyelids?

The crying jag is over.  It may possibly coincide with sleep.  Today was a good day.  Tell me how I work in a retail mall store, but I was let go early because we were so slow, this, a Saturday in December?  The only large group there came from a Hallelujah flash mob in Belk across the way.  Then there was a moment when I had a realization.  It was one of those moments where 'eye-opening' is not descriptive enough.  I think my eyelids were metaphorically ripped away.  I couldn't even talk about it.  I went off to myself and stared.  I tried to think of soothing things, mantras, anything that would calm me and prevent more crying.  I am a very spiritual and faithful person, but I am not really religious.  I pray a lot to myself.  I didn't even know what to pray.  It's been a long time since I had felt anything like this.  Usually, I can find something snide, sarcastic, anything to fill the space in my head.  Today, all that came was the Lord's Prayer.  So, I said it over and over and over.  Finally, I was calm enough to leave my personal seclusion.  I'm not sure the rest of the evening will go as I planned.  I won't cry, but I'm exhausted now.  I think I'll rest by the fire and Friends.

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