Saturday, December 3, 2011
Anybody Seen My Eyelids?
The crying jag is over. It may possibly coincide with sleep. Today was a good day. Tell me how I work in a retail mall store, but I was let go early because we were so slow, this, a Saturday in December? The only large group there came from a Hallelujah flash mob in Belk across the way. Then there was a moment when I had a realization. It was one of those moments where 'eye-opening' is not descriptive enough. I think my eyelids were metaphorically ripped away. I couldn't even talk about it. I went off to myself and stared. I tried to think of soothing things, mantras, anything that would calm me and prevent more crying. I am a very spiritual and faithful person, but I am not really religious. I pray a lot to myself. I didn't even know what to pray. It's been a long time since I had felt anything like this. Usually, I can find something snide, sarcastic, anything to fill the space in my head. Today, all that came was the Lord's Prayer. So, I said it over and over and over. Finally, I was calm enough to leave my personal seclusion. I'm not sure the rest of the evening will go as I planned. I won't cry, but I'm exhausted now. I think I'll rest by the fire and Friends.