Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I Don’t Wanna Work (whining involved)

But, I don't wanna bang on these drums all day. That's the hubby's plan.

I find myself feeling the true meaning of burnout.  The link is an excellent description from the Mayo Clinic.  Maybe I've been there for a while.

 I LOVE the job that I do.  I said that not too long ago in the post about being a Navigator.  Loving what one does is not the same as loving the job.  To all of my BCH peeps, I think you're amazing and I am so lucky to have great clinical staff around me. 

My job constraints are what I struggle with.  My standard schedule is 11a-11p.  I am assigned to 4 units, plus responding to the ED traumas.  Twelve hours of feeling pulled all over the place is hard.  I have done it for over three years simply because I love what I DO

I find myself wishing more and more that I could take a long break and just write.  It's impossible when I work this regularly, then the part-time hours elsewhere.  I do it and don't sleep enough.  I miss out on feeling good enough to keep my house pristine.  I miss out on settling down to watch my favorite show when it's on. I miss out on finishing the library book I checked out two weeks ago, when on vacation, I can read 5 in a week.

I used to juggle so much more when Olivia was alive.  But, that was from home and not a concrete guideline.  I was a different person, then, too.  For my other blogger friends and already accomplished writers: How do you organize your time if you're not just a writer?  Where do you fit your dream into your reality?

*This blog is my personal view.  I am not an official Medical Center Spokesperson.*


  1. Just keep doing what you are doing and it will fall into place. I have found that, as humans in a fallible world, the perfect plan, system, and experience rarely exist- if they do, I've never seen or heard of them. Even rich actors and famous people off themselves due to angst or pressure or the same kinds of things that gnaw at us. Keep posting and promoting your posts as you have been and that may be the spark that catches fire for you. Keep helping others for a short time now- this is temporary.

    1. Playing on Vh1 as I read this, "Survivor" by Destiny's Child. Always loved it as an anthem. Thanks for reminding me that I can do what I need and should do what I can.

  2. Until you sense/hear/dream/are informed otherwise, do what you are doing. Your time will come. You still have someone in the throng who needs what you can give at BCH, then the door will open to give via this writing. You will know when it's time- and the crunch for now, the frustration, the candle burning to your fingertips and giving you a few blisters to deal with, that's just regular life, I promise you.

  3. My profession opinion (haha- sarcasm font)... It sounds as if all of your awake time is dedicated to supporting a cause- I assume that is bill related. We need time to be free, to be us, and that means doing whatever we want with our time for our self satisfaction and peace of mind.

    I think poorer people are happiest. They earn less therefore they own less and worry less to keep everything in balance. The more we work, the more we make, the more we buy, which is the more we own, the more we maintain and the more we worry. Stuff (physical stuff) kills our mental state.

    With no change in working schedule, do what you want in the time you have for yourself. That's your only balance. Having to write at a certain time would become killjoy. Write when you feel like writing. Write it in email or text app the day as the desire strikes. Copy and paste it when you have free time to blog it!

    You may come to a cross road in deciding if what you're paying for is worth all of you and all of your time.

  4. You are right as to the whys. It just sucks and now, I am afraid I'll be booed at work today.

    1. Maybe by those who live to work and don't wish for free time... I think everyone else agrees with you! I do!!!

  5. First, Karen, I must tell you that when I read your "about me" my heart broke. I am so very sorry for your loss. God bless you for working with parents who need someone like you.

    As for juggling it all. Whew! I'm a fulltime artist and writer. I never, ever have enough time to do it all and sometimes I get stressed and worried because I'm so convinced I'm just not good enough.

    Then I remind myself how truly fortunate I am to be doing what I love. I've lost dearly loved ones, including a sister who took her own life, and I think about the fact that I still live, and can do what they can't any longer. Simple things like smelling flowers and looking at the sky and listening to the morning chirping of birds. Imaginative things like writing and creating artwork and humming as I draw.

    So I look at each day as a gift now and I realize that, while I'm not perfect and will never live up to my own expectations, it's okay. I'm okay. I don’t have to be super woman. I just need to be the best me that I can each day. I just do my very best to enjoy each moment, each activity, each small success, and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to live and breathe and create. If I can’t get everything done, then I’ll just start again tomorrow, and all the tomorrows I have ahead of me.

    Please don't be so hard on yourself, Karen. You’ve gone through more trauma than most people will ever endure. Be kind to yourself. Do as much as you are able to do and remember that you are making a difference in people’s lives, because you truly are.

    It will all work out for you in time. Let yourself live and breathe and enjoy being here, because you deserve to be here. Eventually you will find balance. You will find the time. You have tomorrow and all the tomorrows ahead of you.


    1. Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. I am working on taking as good a care of myself as I do others. It's a foreign concept. That's why I look to others who are where I want to be for guidance. It's good to see real people who are there.


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