Random and not so random thoughts straight from the brain
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Mother’s Day in the Life of a Motherless/Childless Woman
Mother's Day has been my least favorite holiday for four years. You see if I want to be with my mother and daughter, my only option is to visit their adjoining graves. Mother's Day in a cemetery sucks ass.
My mom died in March 2006. It was a challenging Mother's Day that year, but because I had Olivia, it wasn't devastating. Two years later, I had no Mother's Day. I remember going to the grave sites and just weeping. I have many sad days in a year. I am working to be able to handle them better, but until the time when I'm again the mother of a living child, I don't know that the second Sunday in May will be anything but cause for heartache.
Having said all that, there are a couple of things that make this year different. First, marrying into the Sanders family netted me an amazing Mother-in-Law. She is a woman of strength, resilience, care and love. She welcomed me and treats me as one of her own. We've had some moments that she probably doesn't even realize are important to me. We sit alone and talk about very important things or not important things. She offers to make my favorite foods just because. She supports me in every way and makes me realize that blood isn't necessary to feel parented.
Second, a random person sent me beautiful flowers at work. There's no name on the card. No one will claim responsibility. The card makes me cry happy tears.
I also received a card and flower to plant outside from my little friend Ivy, who hangs with me two afternoons a week. To be recognized and honored as a mother, even though my daughter isn't physically here, means more than I can say. Thank you, Ivy, and mystery giver. Your thoughtfulness helped make this Mother's Day less sad.
Tomorrow, I get to celebrate my Mother-in-law. I will still go to the grave sites, but I think it will sting less because there is some happiness in the day for me. I hope so. Happy Mother's Day to all of my dear family and friends! Whether your children are with you or not, the title of Mother never leaves.