Hello? Is Anyone Out There?

Geez, Louise (and everyone else not named Louise who is reading)....I used to write every day.  Now, the most I write is a text message or 12.  I'm either at work or with my sweet Emory.  Typing is not possible with him.  He loves the computer and tries very hard to help me.  Last night, he found apps on Windows 8 that I didn't even know existed.  Maybe if I let him help, he'll figure it out since I don't seem to be able.

Ah, my boy.  I am like an alcoholic with him.  I can never spend enough time with him.  When I wake up and see that beautiful face next to me, it's like a high.  When I'm away from him, I feel sad and incomplete and all I want is to hold him.  I'll take this addiction any day.

He's 1.  HE'S ONE!  How did that happen????  I feel like the past year has been the fastest of my life.  I am behind in almost every aspect of daily living.  My house is cluttered beyond belief.  My desk drawers are cluttered beyond belief.  I wear pony tails more often than not.  It's all ok.  It may not be for everyone, but it is for me.

Today, this happened:

Why is this a big deal?  Why does it make me giggle?  Why did I not scold him?  

Because he can do it.  He can crawl to the toilet, pull up, and toss in a toy.  I never had the chance to scold Olivia for putting things in the toilet.  I never had to pull her down off the side of a piece of furniture.  I never had to stop her from dumping out the dog's water bowl.  Emory hasn't done anything dangerous yet.  He hasn't done anything that could be a bad habit.  He's simply exploring his world.  I applaud it!  I applaud him!  

People who have never had a child with special needs do not understand this.  I get chided for not telling him "no".  I have a beautiful, healthy, curious TODDLER.  I will let him toddle and flush the toilet as many times as he likes until I can't pay the water bill.  (That happened, too, this morning).  He also rolled off the toilet paper.  Oh, well....

I'll leave you with a couple of pictures of this beautiful boy.  

Could you tell him 'no'?  I thought not.  

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I have feared writing anything so positive as I fear the jinx.

When I started  blogging years ago and then again last year, I wasn't always in a happy place.  As a matter of fact, I was in dark holes within myself many days.  The blog was a way for me to get some of that ugliness out without, hopefully, hurting myself or too many others in the process.

The past couple of years have been a roller coaster of emotions.  Then again, I think that may be true for the majority of people.  Maybe it isn't and I'm slightly more unstable.  Regardless, I have swung between ecstasy and despair often.

I am on the verge of ecstasy again.  This pregnancy has been physically hard and an emotional challenge for both Kelly and me.  I think we were both afraid for a long time that it would end as the last two with nothing but heartbreak and tears.  That fear impeded my joy for too long.

I'm just one week away from the third trimester.  I am not a fool and think we're in the clear now.  My job is half dictated by the percentages of babies who come too soon!  However, I feel like it's foolish to walk on eggshells and not enjoy every precious minute left of Emory's baking.

As miserable as my nights are now, feeling his gymnastics as I wake up or try to drift off brings me pure happiness.  It's not very long until I have to share him with others!  Don't get me wrong; I want to see the faces of my mother- and father-in-law as they hold him for the first time.  I can hardly wait to see Kelly's eyes and watch those big, strong arms envelope his tiny son.  But, I also think most women who've been pregnant can agree that there is something completely, selfishly wonderful about the pregnancy when they're just ours.

Yesterday, my girlfriends, a number of my Posse in fact, gave us a little shower for baby Emory.  It was soooooo fun!  I felt very loved and honored.  I had a fantastic Mom-To-Be tiara, even.  I am so thankful to have these women in my life.  They just add to the good parts and help soften the blows of the bad ones.

*Smiles and sighs*