I have feared writing anything so positive as I fear the jinx.
When I started blogging years ago and then again last year, I wasn't always in a happy place. As a matter of fact, I was in dark holes within myself many days. The blog was a way for me to get some of that ugliness out without, hopefully, hurting myself or too many others in the process.
The past couple of years have been a roller coaster of emotions. Then again, I think that may be true for the majority of people. Maybe it isn't and I'm slightly more unstable. Regardless, I have swung between ecstasy and despair often.
I am on the verge of ecstasy again. This pregnancy has been physically hard and an emotional challenge for both Kelly and me. I think we were both afraid for a long time that it would end as the last two with nothing but heartbreak and tears. That fear impeded my joy for too long.
I'm just one week away from the third trimester. I am not a fool and think we're in the clear now. My job is half dictated by the percentages of babies who come too soon! However, I feel like it's foolish to walk on eggshells and not enjoy every precious minute left of Emory's baking.
As miserable as my nights are now, feeling his gymnastics as I wake up or try to drift off brings me pure happiness. It's not very long until I have to share him with others! Don't get me wrong; I want to see the faces of my mother- and father-in-law as they hold him for the first time. I can hardly wait to see Kelly's eyes and watch those big, strong arms envelope his tiny son. But, I also think most women who've been pregnant can agree that there is something completely, selfishly wonderful about the pregnancy when they're just ours.
Yesterday, my girlfriends, a number of my Posse in fact, gave us a little shower for baby Emory. It was soooooo fun! I felt very loved and honored. I had a fantastic Mom-To-Be tiara, even. I am so thankful to have these women in my life. They just add to the good parts and help soften the blows of the bad ones.
*Smiles and sighs*