Good Bad Good

There's always good and bad in any situation.  Sometimes, it's easier to see one or the other.  I am not a pessimist by nature, but for some situations, I do see bad before good.  With relationships and family, it's where I immediately go.

I love my husband.  That should seem obvious.  I love this baby boy who's kung fu fighting in my abdomen right now.  For both of them, whenever there's a little glitch, I expect the worst.  I possibly even perseverate on the worst possibilities.  For example, my last ultrasound gave us a 4D image of Emory.  I stared at it and stared at it until I decided his eyes looked wide spaced.  Then, I researched syndromes with wide spaced eyes.  The doc we saw that day said "baby looks great".  He saw the same photos I did.  He actually knows what he's seeing, but I didn't trust it.  I'm past that now and am trusting that said doctor would have clearly indicated concern that he saw such things if he did.

I think when you've experienced a significant loss, or three or four or however many I'm up to now, it colors your perspectives.  I think it may even be easier to expect disappointment than to expect happiness.  The key is realizing that's what's happening and getting past it.

This is a work in progress for me.  I see good and bad.  I need to go over the hump and get back to the good.

I'm getting there.