Over the past eight weeks, I have procrastinated to extremes that even impress me. Tomorrow, I return to work after doing very little other than loving my baby for two months.
There are all of these things I had planned to do while on leave. I wanted to organize closets, finish decorating the nursery, deep clean my house and car, etc. I think you get the picture. It isn't necessarily that Emory wouldn't let me do things because he's so needy. It's much more that all I wanted to do was hold and kiss him. I kept thinking I had plenty of time to do the other things. Alas, the time is up and I did mostly none of them. He'd be in my arms right now if he hadn't fallen asleep in his swing.
I have already shed tears today just thinking about tomorrow. I am afraid I will be utterly useless to the families I'm there to support. Emory and I talked about my going back to work. I told him his daddy loves him very much and they are going to have a great time together. I told him I will miss him. I told him it will be ok. I think I need to hear that much more than he does.
I am trying to put a smile on my face and fake it. I'm trying to think that I'm simply blessed to be able to go to work because he's healthy enough that I can. Can I keep that thought in my head for a 10-hr shift tomorrow? I wouldn't make any bets on it if I were you.
|Who'd want to be away from him???|
Now, I'll go back to thinking of nothing but him until 9 am tomorrow.