Seasons Change

We are a couple of days into the official season of Autumn.  Life is like nature in its changes.  They come inevitably and although we know to expect them, it's still sometimes a shock.  I almost always say "Fall" instead of Autumn.  As I drove north on Highway 52 toward the church where Olivia is buried this morning, it was clear why.

When I awoke, the temps were low.  I don't mean a comfy 60 degrees.  It was around 48-50.  After the harsh heat of our long summer, it was welcome!  I actually turned on my heat in the car for a few minutes.  Driving up the long highway that heads into the Blue Ridge Mountains, I could see tinges of gold and red in the trees the further I went.  There were leaves falling all along the way.

It was an absolutely gorgeous drive.  I was going up this morning to take Olivia's fall flowers.  Although I know that there's only a shell of her in that grave, it is always highly emotional going.  As I go through this pregnancy, my emotions are heightened about her as well.  Today those emotions sprang forth like Old Faithful.

As I trimmed the foam so that the flowers would fit, I attached a magic wand and the ever-present crown.  I also thought of the many things I would love to say to my daughter.  She'd be almost 13 now!  I did talk to her.  I do most days, but today's thoughts and chat were more intense.

Olivia had many challenges in her life.  She required assistance with everything physical.  You know what?  It didn't matter at all.  She was absolutely perfect to me.  She was the most beautiful, loving, funniest little girl I have ever known.  Every time she flashed that beaming smile at me, I melted.  I miss that smile.  I miss my girl.  I miss her more than it should be humanly possible to feel.

I think the changes my body is experiencing are a little like fall.  I know they're coming.  I don't know if they'll be sudden or gradual.  I love each season and anticipate the next with excitement.  Today marks 16 weeks in this pregnancy.  I look forward to each week as a milestone.  I eagerly await his arrival.  My biggest regret is that he'll never know his sister.

With all that said, I am going to sit outside in the beautiful sun and read a while before I go to work.  I need to distract my mind from its whirlwind of thoughts this morning.  Happy Fall to all!