I'm sitting here on the sofa after returning from our first childbirth class. Emory has the hiccups and is apparently trying to swat them away.
Time is drawing near for him to make his grand entrance into this complicated world. I am thrilled and have now reached the point where I'm afraid as well.
Why, you may ask, would I take a class since I've already given birth? There are a few reasons. First, my husband has never had children. Second, it's been 13 years (minus 28 days) since I did. Next, my labor with Olivia was not great. Finally, it just seems like a good idea.
When I had Olivia, my water broke first. It's not the norm, I hear. Supposedly, only about 12% of women start labor that way. Then, my contractions weren't regular, so they gave me Pitocin. It's a synthetic version of a natural hormone that catapulted me into hard labor with no warm up period. It's common to get an epidural for pain relief with Pit. Our class instructor told us so tonight. I tried one with Olivia. It was almost as horrific as the eventual natural labor and delivery I endured. For some reason, as we saw again when I needed a lumbar puncture last year, getting at that space in my spine is a challenge for physicians. So, I went through the pain of that with Olivia, then the damn thing didn't work. My goal this time is to have a better handle on natural pain management techniques. If they don't work, so be it, but I wasn't nearly prepared enough last time.
I am truly afraid. I don't need platitudes of "You can do it!", "Your body was meant for this!", or "Don't worry!" You know what? I know I can do it. I did it. That doesn't mean it didn't hurt more than words can possibly describe. Yes, our bodies are meant for it and women have been doing it for thousands of years. That still doesn't mean it won't hurt. I assure you, the first person to tell me not to worry will be punched in the throat. Don't worry, you'll recover.
I'll go back now to focusing on these little acrobatics in my belly. Except for the sharp jabs, they mostly make me smile.