Merrell's Are Not Acceptable Bike Wear and Other Observations

Whew!  I'm home!  Sookie is glad.  My body is glad.  Kelly doesn't ever want to come home.

Two weeks ago, I was headed to the 5th International Family and Patient Centered Care Conference in Washington, D.C.  Last week, we were heading to the Outer Banks of NC for vacation.  Soooo much has happened!

The Conference:
It was phenomenal.  That's the only way I can describe it.  I was surrounded by people who believe in what I do for a living; who value my education, but also value my life experience and its role in my work; and by some of the most incredible figures in health care in the world.

I learned so many interesting and valuable things that apply to my hospital work and also to life in general.  For instance, if you have a user name on Twitter, a blog, Facebook, etc. search it on Google.  I had over 5 pages of hits on mine.  I had no idea that much was publicly available!  Also, prospective employers do that as well.  It's a good thing I only swear about personal things.

The VP of Canada's largest health system said we were the best presentation of the conference.  Wowzas!  Ummhmm, yeah, yeah.  I shook my tail feathers on that one.  People from stellar facilities suggested we become educators in FPCC.  I am humbled and awed.

I discovered that getting down into the Metro was a little like a snowy mountain scene in a James Bond movie...I have a picture in my head, but I can't figure out which movie...It's just this cavernous tunnel burrowing crazily into the ground.  I've ridden the NYC subway dozens of times, but the D.C. Metro threw me.

I discovered Lady Anti-Monkey Butt.  What is THAT, you ask?  It's this fantastic anti-friction powder.  Great for hot days and bras or thighs.

Finally, Jenny Lawson's book Let's Pretend This Never Happened made for great plane entertainment.  My manager and I read together and were so boisterous with our laughter that we met a woman at the hotel who recognized us from that!   


Next, the beach!

We went to Nags Head, Outer Banks, NC.  Those are the barrier islands off the NC Coast for which lighthouses and pirates are famous.  For those of you familiar with my fear of bridges, you'll understand that this is a HUGE deal.  There are three doozie bridges, one over 5 miles long.  It's not a beautiful scene either like the 7 Mile Bridge in the Keys.  That aqua water just soothes my anxious soul.  Anyway, we made a convoy of Sanders from here to there.  It was great driving and we arrived to beautiful weather and waves.

This is literally just out of the car: 

I'm slightly less pale, except for the myriad skeeter bites on my face and body, today.  I'm much more rested.  I'm more literally rounded, having read four books in 5 days.  I'm puzzle queen after this monster, which I did not complete on my own, but I was obsessed by it.







The winds picked up to storm-force yesterday.  This morning it was still so bad that it blew the hair wrap off my head which was drying my hair.

Our ride home was adventurous.  I saw an El Camino and realized it's the original hybrid car.  I saw a man on a Harley sporting Merrell's.  REALLY?  In what HOG chapter or Gran Torino scene do comfort clogs go with a kick ass motorcycle?  I am driving down I-40 as excessive speed and those suckers stood out in the lane next to me.  Seriously shaking my head at that...

Home Sweet Home it is, to mounds of laundry, a lonely cat and dog, my Altima (a story in itself) and my bed.  Ahh, my bed...see you soon, friend.

A Pinch of This; A Dash of That

What a full week! I'm going over in my head everything I want to write down so I don't forget. I have done that every day and I know I'll forget something anyway.

I think I'll do a good-bad-good sandwich. I had a supervisor a few years ago who swore this is the best way to incorporate anything negative. I'm not sure if anything would make being bitten by a poisonous viper better, but let's try that. 

Yesterday started out with the best home cooked, served in bed breakfast ever. I felt like a queen! Then, I went to work on shrub trimming. That is a sweaty, nasty job! There's an abundance of periwinkle that is overgrown around them and camouflages everything. As I moved the trimmings, a vicious piercing stab was felt on my arm. I saw the thick, green thing slither away just in time to summon enough strength to yell for my neighbor, Jamie. She's not very nice, but I figured she wouldn't let me die. The fire department at the end of the street's quick response was also helpful. After lots of pain, fainting, injections and who knows what else, I was fine enough to go back to yard work. 

Then, we went to see the Avengers and it was fantastic! Oh, my goodness…those bodysuits Black Widow wore made me wish for a nasty c.diff infection so I could lose weight fast. Loved it totally!

On Thursday, my friend Laura and I went down to Concord Mills. We made a day of it, even though the big event was meeting Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess. It was soooo fun! On the way down, I was worried my nails didn't look good enough. I polished them going down Business 85. Anyone who has driven that stretch from Davidson County to Charlotte can attest that this was quite the feat! We went into BAM first thing to plan our day. I needed logistics. I sounded so knowledgeable that the store manager assumed I was her people. Don't I wish! After hours of shopping, trying on fancy clothes, eating at my favorite rib place Sticky Fingers, and wearing ourselves out, it was time! Holy shit! There was nobody an hour earlier, and then suddenly, we were on the next to last row of chairs. How is this possible for HER people??? *snickers*
Here comes the slide show…

Who brings little kids to this? Is 'fuck' part of preschool vocab now?

People brought their Beyonce clones to be signed

Anticipation!

Ah…my short moment! This is Jenny's pose. That's

Copernicus the Homicidal Monkey in person! (Nails aren't even visible)

       

We were wiped out on the way home, but still had enough in us to sing out to music and chatter. It was a great, great day. Note to self: never go sleeveless when there are pictures involved.

p.s. I didn't really get bitten by a viper or any other snake.  The tube was either the green extension cord or the water hose.  I did get bitten this week, though. There were two matching sites
 that looked like snake holes. They itched like a mo'fo', too.

Sookie Stackhouse and The Bloggess

"These two are in no way related" you're probably thinking.  You are wrong!  They are two characters I love.  "The Bloggess is real!" you may be screaming.  Jenny Lawson is real and quite a character.

The Sookie Stackhouse novels are written by Charlaine Harris.  Let's Pretend This Never Happened is written by Jenny Lawson.  I have read all of the Sookies, except for the newest, which I will purchase and have signed when I meet Ms. Harris tomorrow night!!!!  She's coming here to Salem College for a discussion and book signing.  My friend Christi and I bought tickets yesterday.  I took off work a month ago in preparation.  I am thinking of putting on my best Sookie look.  Should I go that way or just as my fabulous self?  I might embarrass Christi in costume.

Jenny, I am patiently waiting for you to add a nearby city to your tour.  I would dress up like Juanita or James Garfield, or Copernicus for you.  I'd bring you my own private stash of Xanax or Klonopin.  I can't take those anymore and I never throw anything away.  I am always Johnny-on-the-spot with ability to throw together fantastic nachos just for you.

So, tomorrow night I get to meet one of my favorite modern authors.  If I had a , I'd go back and badger Whitman, Hardy and Chaucer for drinks and convos. 


What should I ask Charlaine Harris?  I want to know which of the characters is her alter ego.  I want to know if there are other supes that will appear in later books.  Other thoughts?

Jenny, what will it take to garner a meeting with you?  I'm not getting my Sookie   taxidermied in custom made clothing.  

Ratel is back

There comes a point when anger overrides hurt.  My heart has hurt all week.  I am a softie.  I let my feelings get hurt very easily.  I have expectations that people will treat me the way they want to be treated.  No, I do not do that all day, every day, but it is something I inherently believe.  There are those near and dear to me who have heard the concept and that is all.  I am sick to death of excuses.  I want to vomit every time mouths open because I know it is a load of shit about to be dumped.  I excused myself from a situation yesterday that may temporarily cause some inconvenience for these folks.  I'd much rather that happen than my baggage cause them emotional damage next week.  My Olivia emotional baggage can fill the car of an Amtrak train.  And hell yes I'm dealing with it today even though it's not her actual birthday or anniversary day!  What an idiotic thing to say! (different situation yesterday)

Sometimes, I feel like I am either completely losing my ability to communicate with people or some people simply cannot fathom how horrendous and difficult even the smallest task can be right now and over the next few days.  **NEWS FLASH**  I am struggling to get out of bed, shower and make it to work.  If it weren't for The Bloggess and Jon Stewart  (mocking all political news-especially Mitt Romney's idiotic blunders) to entertain me, I'm not sure I would make it through the next 7 days.

                 My spines are up.  I am Ratel.  I don't care.  I don't give a shit.  I am a badass.