Ratel is back

There comes a point when anger overrides hurt.  My heart has hurt all week.  I am a softie.  I let my feelings get hurt very easily.  I have expectations that people will treat me the way they want to be treated.  No, I do not do that all day, every day, but it is something I inherently believe.  There are those near and dear to me who have heard the concept and that is all.  I am sick to death of excuses.  I want to vomit every time mouths open because I know it is a load of shit about to be dumped.  I excused myself from a situation yesterday that may temporarily cause some inconvenience for these folks.  I'd much rather that happen than my baggage cause them emotional damage next week.  My Olivia emotional baggage can fill the car of an Amtrak train.  And hell yes I'm dealing with it today even though it's not her actual birthday or anniversary day!  What an idiotic thing to say! (different situation yesterday)

Sometimes, I feel like I am either completely losing my ability to communicate with people or some people simply cannot fathom how horrendous and difficult even the smallest task can be right now and over the next few days.  **NEWS FLASH**  I am struggling to get out of bed, shower and make it to work.  If it weren't for The Bloggess and Jon Stewart  (mocking all political news-especially Mitt Romney's idiotic blunders) to entertain me, I'm not sure I would make it through the next 7 days.

                 My spines are up.  I am Ratel.  I don't care.  I don't give a shit.  I am a badass. 

Supremely Unchaste Badass

I'm intrigued endlessly by the Badass of the Week, written by Ben Thompson.  The BoW for the week of my birthday was a wickedly awesome woman!  Now, I have no desire to bang a nun, but otherwise, she could so be my next heroine.  Neither have I killed people, at least outside of my head, but I am of French descent.   Surely we could be of some similar lineage???
I need to be a badass.  I possess badassness.  It's hiding right now.  Therefore, I'm re-watching Randall narrate about the Honey Badger.  I can quote about the Honey Badger.  I will not munch on rats or cobras, but I have enough inner angst and bitchiness to chase one of those bad boys down.
The problem comes when my crazy hormones kick in along with my walks down memory lane.  I start crying like a high school girl when her crush cancels the day before prom.  I am looking for someone to be available at the drop of a hat during those moments.   I need support and comfort.  I need someone to hold me, maybe stroke my hair, or maybe only listen to my emotional soliloquy.  I need a badass of my own right now.