Friday, March 29, 2013

An Ironic Life

I don't have much time to write these last weeks.  I spend most of my time nursing or holding Emory.  It is not a complaint.  It's actually a blissful statement.

However, during all of this quiet time, I can't help but to reflect on those early times at home with Olivia and make comparisons.  Sometimes, those thoughts bring smiles.  Often, they bring tears.  There is very little about Emory's life that is similar to his sister's.  It make me sad for what she and I missed out on.

Emory is an easy baby.  He loves to eat and I'm thankful I'm able to breastfeed him.  He is a great sleeper.  This is the biggest difference between my two babies.  Olivia never slept.  We had a prescription for sleep meds by the time she was 6 months old.  With Emory, I have to wake him to eat!  He's peaceful in general and is already showing peeks at his personality.

This morning, before 11 am, both Emory and I had been bathed and dressed.  I was sitting on the sofa reading a magazine.  That scenario was foreign in Olivia's early days.  She cried.  She was miserable so much of the time and no one knew why at that time.  I have always felt cheated about her.  She suffered as no child should.  Now that I see how it can be different, that hurt is intensified at the same time I am so happy with my boy.

For now, I try to push those thoughts aside and concentrate on these good ones.  I am blissful at home with Emory.  My weeks before going back to work are passing much too quickly.

Happy Easter to all.  For those of you who celebrate, this is the holiest of holidays.  For others, simply hunt the eggs and make sure you get a Reester Bunny!  OMG, my sister brought us one yesterday.  It's Reece's Cup heaven to the Nth degree.

He's always so expressive, even asleep!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

New beginnings

Our baby boy has arrived!  Emory was born last Monday, March 4.

I have identified myself as a bereaved mother for the past five years.   Now, I can just identify myself as a mother again.  The past week has been full of mixed emotions.  By far, the overwhelming ones are joy, happiness and gratefulness.  Sorrow and grief have crept in a few times.  Missing Olivia has been enhanced by the love for her brother.

I wondered all throughout my pregnancy if I'd be able to love another child as much or as intensely as I loved her from birth.  They are very different and the feelings aren't the same, but YES, I am able.  I am so in love with this little face.  I find myself just staring at him with tears streaming down my face.  How did I get so lucky?  So blessed?

My heart is full to bursting.